The Superstitious Orange-Teriyaki Grilled Chicken (A Bat Story)

I wish I wasn't superstitious...but I am.  I'm not as bad as some people but certain things I do are weird.  I always put my left sock on first.  If I try to go with the right, something in my brain short-circuits and it never goes on properly.  You know what I'm talking about - where the heel part ends up on top?  I hate that sensation.  I also pull into every parking space backwards.  This one used to drive my friends from the cities nuts.  Everytime we'd go out somewhere and I'd drive, they'd have to patiently wait for me to manuever into my townhouse parking lot accordingly.  One of my friends' finally snapped one night when I was doing this, yelling out from the back, "C'mon Grigal, are you serious?!  What...I suppose you sleep with your clothes on too so if you hear a cricket chirp you can be like ,"Huh?  What was that?!...I'm outta here!"...as you spin out in your truck that's pointed in the right direction."  Perhaps he was right.

One of the worst superstitions I need to get over is related to food.  If I have a really good meal, or something about that meal is awesome, but something bad happens to me that night, I won't eat that food again - as if there were some cosmic connection.  This couldn't have been more true than on my birthday 2 years ago when I made a FANTASTIC Orange-Teriyaki Grilled Chicken...and then I found a bat in my house that night..

I don't care what anybody says, catching a bat in real life without killing it is every bit as hard as you see portrayed in the movies.  To top things off, I had about 2-3 celebratory birthday drinks that night which made everything a bit more surreal.   I remember being downstairs of my townhouse when I heard my at-the-time wife scream from upstairs that there was a bat in the bedroom. Then I heard her shrieking hysterically while locking herself in the bathroom.  I shot to my feet and the first thing I did was tie a plastic bag around the top of my head like a bandana for some reason.  Probably because I had my long hair at the time and was afraid of it getting caught in there, maybe?  I remember when she peaked out of the bathroom and saw how ridiculous I looked, she asked what the hell I was doing.  "Shut up....I'm getting the bat."   Nevermind I had nothing to catch it with...

I cracked open the bedroom door and sure enough, there was that little bugger, upside down on the ceiling, not moving.  I stared at him for a second...and then he hissed.  That was enough for me to scream, falling backwards and tumbling down the stairs outside my bedroom door...the first time.  After catching my breath, I grabbed the only logical weapon I could think of:  The lid from a rubbermaid tub.  My plan was just to tap it, you know - daze it, long enough to do something else with it.  (I hadn't thought that far ahead.)  Just to be safe, I took the base of the rubbermaid tub with me as well.  I crept into the room, sweat soaking the plastic bag skull protector, but determined to do my job.  He was on the ceiling...my throat was parched...I wound up and......heard my wife yell from the hall, "DID YOU GET IT?!"   That's enough to make any guy scramble like he's one of the Three Stooges.  I dove for the closet and yelled to her to be quiet.  He hadn't moved.

After a minute, I snuck back into the room.  I wound up again with the lid and swung, missing him by about a foot and a half - probably because I was terrified.  Regardless, it was enough for him to start flying around while I hit the floor and curled up sobbing.  He stopped, I looked up and saw him clung to the side of my window blinds.  "...that's it you son of a....",  I thought to myself.  I grabbed the base of the tub and charged him, pinning him in the tub as it pressed vertically into the window.   Brilliant!  NOW, how are you going to get him out of there?  I grabbed the lid and tried to slide it between the opening of the tub and the blinds.  Bats can fit through the tiniest of spaces.  He shot out and I ran out of the bedroom, arms flailing wildly like a sissy, slamming the door and commencing my 2nd involuntary flight down the stairs, not unlike the giant boulder in Indiana Jones.

As I walked up the stairs, I told myself, "...I am never eating Orange-Teriyaki Grilled Chicken again...".   I entered one last time and again saw him clung upside down on the ceiling again.  I grabbed a towel under my arm and whacked him one last time with the lid.  Throwing the towel over him, I wrapped him up and ran screaming out my house, tossing the towel into the woods where I heard him fly away.

I finally got over this and made my Orange-Teriyaki Grilled Chicken a few weeks ago and you know what,  tt was really good and I didn't find any bats in my house that night.  Be forewarned though, as good as this recipe is, you WILL find a bat in your house the first time you make it.  There's nothing I can do about that...

Ingredients:

• 3-4 Chicken Breasts
• Sesame Seeds (For Garnish)

(Marinade)

• 1 Cup - Orange Juice
• 1 Tsp. Orange Zest
• 1/2 Cup Soy Sauce
• 1/2 Cup Honey
• 1 Tbsp. Sesame Oil (Yeah, you do need this kind of oil.  Trust me.)
•  Cloves Garlic, Minced
• 2 Slices of Ginger - About "coin-sized" and 1/8" thick
• 2 Scallion Whites (Chop the rest for garnish at the end.)
• 1 Cinnamon Stick  (Yeah, you'll want this too.  I know...)

Directions:

• In a medium saucepan, combine all elements of the marinade over medium heat for 4-5 minutes - stirring occasionally.  You want this to just start to reduce and thicken.  Remove from heat and allow to cool to room temperature.  (This can take up to about 2 hours - but you need to do this so the "hot" mixture doesn't end up poaching the chicken while marinading). 
• When marinade has cooled to room temp, place the chicken breasts in a shallow baking dish and poke a number of holes in it with a fork on both sides (this will allow the marinade to seep in and make the insides flavorful).  Pour about 3/4 of the  marinade over the chicken and refrigerate, covered 1-4 hours.  The longer you marinade, the more bold your flavor will be.  The rest of the marinade will be used to baste the chicken and as a dipping sauce.
• Heat up your grill to include direct and indirect heat (hot coals on one side, nothing on the other).  When you're ready to grill, brush the grills with a paper towel dipped in vegetable oil.  Place the breasts, smooth side down, at a diagonal over direct heat.  Grill about 2 minutes and give 1/4 turn to sear in cross hatches.  Grill another 2 minutes and flip.  Grill remaining side for about 2-3 minutes and move to indirect heat.  Once on indirect heat, baste the top of the chicken with some of the marinde - never baste uncooked meat - that's why we waited until now.  :)  Allow to cook over indirect heat for about 6 minutes or until cooked through.
• Transfer to a platter, sprinkle with sesame seeds and scallions IMMEDIATELY so they stick to the settling juices, and serve over rice with a light Ale or White Wine